new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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