I'm passing your future prison.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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