I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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