The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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