I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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