im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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