I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
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He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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