Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
