I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
