The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
