Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
