we have pet lesbian snakes
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
