That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize