i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
