My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
