She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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