wanna go halves on a baby?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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