she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
