It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
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considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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