I will die if light touches me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
