i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
