I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
