glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
