Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
