My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
