24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think my moral compass just broke
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