Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize