every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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