i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
