Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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