It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
