Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
