YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
