So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
