Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
