I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
