Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
