OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
