drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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