Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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