i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
