There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
