Already got asked if we're dating
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
