Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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