i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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