His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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