if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
