We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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