From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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