My friends, they love my intelligence
Quick, to the slutcave!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
