I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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