Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
