p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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