I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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