i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
