I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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