That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
