I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
