worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
