its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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