So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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