sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
