WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
