Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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