Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
