I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
