i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
